James' Ramblings

I think I may have come to a conclusion...after days and weeks of trying to get something, and you can't get it after you've gone through all your options, maybe it's just destined for you not to get it? I say this regarding the motorcycle that I want to get. I have tried everything. Nothing is going right. Tomorrow I will know if I got my loan for the bike or not. I'm serious about this decision. If I don't get this loan, screw it. I'm not going to get a bike until next Spring at least. I mean, why else won't things go my way? I don't know. I'm just bitter. I feel bad about leaving the guy whose bike I am going to buy in the open like this. Oh well. And then I buy this dry mist fan for $111...and it works like a piece of shit. I'm returning it tomorrow, and hopefuly I don't have to pay for shipping, but even if I don't, I'm out $21. I learn by doing. I learned my lesson. Everything in this world costs what they do because it's valued at that price. Simple as that. If you try and get something that worth $500 for, say, $200, it's probably due to some reason that the seller doesn't want to disclose and wants you to find out afterwards. The bottom line? Work, work, work, save, save, save and finally buy what you want to get at the price they charge. No shortcuts. Sadly, my head doesn't function that way. When I see something, it immediately tries to find a way around it to get it cheaper or better yet, free. I can't change this. I know that. The only thing I can do is to learn to control it. I am just waiting for Chris to come by now. I'll tell him the bad news, talk a little, and I'm off to bed. I hate the troubles that I have in my life. It's caused by one thing. Money. If I had enough of it, I would be living just fine. Unfortunately, I'm not like other well off 20-year-olds in the world. I have to work. Pay bills. Earn the shit I want. But in a way I like it. I'm already experiencing the real world. Of course, some people my age might never have to live like me. Good for them. But they'll never feel the satisfaction and sense of achievement that I feel. Paying my bills with the money I earn. Buying the things I've wanted with the money I earn. The list goes on and on. That's all I have to say for now.