Every year it seems like the year was a "waste." Now, I know it's not, really, but it just feels that way for one reason or another. I think the biggest reason is that I don't feel like I accomplished anything. Sure, I managed to live another year and raise the kids up another year, etc., but I didn't personally accomplish anything, I guess.
For example, I've been wanting to write this second fantasy book for the entirety of 2015. I've managed to write most of the background of the story (within the first few months) and about 10 pages of the actual story, but since then, I've had no motivation to write it. Don't get me wrong, I really want to write it and I know a lot of what I'm going to be writing about, but I just don't have the motivation. I dunno why.
Perhaps it's because I'm tired. This is probably true most of the time. Perhaps it's because I don't have time? Can't be true because I somehow manage to surf away an hour or two each and every night. Perhaps I have too many projects that I want to get done? Kind of true as lately I've been wanting to get housework done like garage shelves, etc. Still not a good excuse because I don't end up doing those projects in my spare time anyway. I think the biggest reason, and I hate to admit this, is what Laura is always saying - my need to get on the computer to...well, do whatever involves the computer. And this year, it's basically been to surf Reddit and other time-wasting things. During this time, I get nothing done. Literally, I may learn a thing or two, but in the end, I come out with nothing gained. I think I need to change this next year. It's going to be hard, but in the next few days, I'll have to come up with a way to dial down my surfing and up my productivity on various things. I mean, even I think to myself some nights, what if I had been working on my book for the same amount of time I wasted, say, in a week of worthless surfing? It'd be nearly 10-14 hours or more of writing down. Instead, I get NOTHING done. Even as I write this, I'm tabbing over to Reddit, reading something, coming back, writing something, repeat. I dunno why I am so easily distractible when it comes to surfing around useless information. The thing is, it sucks because I'm writing my story on Google Docs, which requires me to be online, which means that I can easily just surf something instead. Maybe I need to start writing in Word. I'll have to consider that.
I think next year, I really want to make a plan of cutting down surfing, making a list of things I want to accomplish and then working towards doing it. Everytime I start to do a project, literally every time before I start, I'm already thinking of things to do to NOT do the project.
There are a lot of things I want to do next year, too. Some off the top of my head, not in any particular order:
- Starting geocaching or doing science projects with Connor and uploading them to YouTube for some income
- Kitchen table
- Write and FINISH my book
- Start meditating at night with Laura
- Spend more time with Laura - maybe a designated game night once a week
- Do some other meaningful projects...
I may need to sit down and detail out plans and timelines that I should stick to in early January.
Also, I really think that we should get a babysitter for Fridays or something so that Laura and I can get some time alone with the kids out of the house. I think it's worth it for the $20 or so to cover for the babysitter, especially now that Emmeline is, for the most part, sleeping fine after we put her down for the night. There is the occasional crying that won't let down, but I think the babysitter could handle that . At the worst, she can just text us or something. Emmeline will usually stop crying after 30 minutes and since it's at night, she would probably fall back asleep faster than during the day.
Anyway, I should probably get to sleep. For some reason, it's feeling like it's a Saturday, hence me staying up writing thing when I should be sleeping because there is no school this week and that means tomorrow is going to be rough. Thankfully, Laura is taking a half day on Tuesday and then we're off to Tulsa on Wednesday. Tulsa, by the way, is going to suck I think because it's going to be so crowded and Emmeline and Connor are always a problem there for some reason. Since it's not here, it's just harder for me to deal with them and keep an eye on them because of all the places they can go and do. Ellen and Matt are coming this year, so that will be fun and we might try and go see the new Star Wars movie as well. I'm not a Star Wars fan, but it would be fun to watch. Next year is a good year for movies, as well. Some new Marvels movies and such.
Whelp, I should go so I can finish up surfing (ugh! see!) and then head to bed.