Well, it's been quite a stir the past few days. I haven't written in here in 10 days, the longest I've gone for quite a bit now. Let's back up a little bit. As I don't remember when the 20th was (the day), I'll just explain starting Thursday, which was the night Laura and I went to Manitou Springs to stay at a B&B. It was a great time! The first experience was a good one for me, fortunately, and I'm probalby going to go back there again sometime. We just, well, relaxed, really. We walked around the town and such. All and all it was a good time. Then, though, afterwards we went to pick up Chris from the airport, and on the way back, in Ashley's car nonetheless, I got a speeding ticket. It was a black guy on a bike. Fucking tards. Anyway, fast fowarding to Monday, I go to Ralph Schomp BMW and Honda to go look at a car...I settle on a red, Honda Civic EX. I have them turn in my credit report to see if I'm good to go with financing...I'm not, of course, after spending hours there. I need a co-signer. I go talk to my Mom afterwards and the next day, aruound 5pm, I'm home free with my new car. It's a damn great machine. A hell of a lot better than mine. It's been a few days now, and been putting a little too many miles on it for my sake. I'm need to start slowing down. I waxed it last night, to find out this morning it rained last night too. I washed the windows today. Soon, I'm going to create a website of my car, though I somehow need a way to get damn pictures on the net. Oh well. It's Friday already and that means that the first week of school is already over. It went by really fast. I am totally caught up except for a couple of classes because of book shortage. That's out of my power anyway. I think this Fall is going to be a lot better than the other semesters. The weather's been tolerable lately, too. Not TOO hot, though it's still hot. Tonight I think I'm going to show up at Chris' house for a little party, but I'm not going to stay long. I wanted strawberry ice cream last night, but didn't get to it. If I still feel like it tonight, I'm going. I might go watch a movie at the $2 theaters. $2...its so cheap. But yeah, things are on the upside recently. I'm enjoying it. My room's a mess, though. Ashley and Laura are pretty much moved in and hopefully they're enjoying it too. Ashley, Grant, Derek, and Susan are taking a trip out to Iowa to see TJ and his 21st b-day. Oh, how fun would that be. I am staring at a puddle of wax that's on my desk because I was careless enough to not put anything under the candle as it lit, so it leaked onto the desk. I am kinda hungry now, so I'm going to try and find something to eat. Probably ramen, but hell, it's better than nothing. See ya!

Well tomorrow Laura comes back. I think I'm gonna leave work early. Hehe. I have some things to take care of beforehand, but yeah, not new. I want to say some more stuff about music and its influences. I was rummaging through my box of unneeded stuff and came across my old cd containing backed up mp3s of all my old japanese songs. I put it in the cd player and started listening to them. Man they bring back a lot of memories from when I was about, oh, 11 or 12, maybe earlier. Yeah, it has to be about 10 for some of the songs. The amazing thing is that I remember each and every one of the songs clearly! These are old, old songs. It just has a quality to get ingrained into your mind. These songs put me in a really good mood, since I remember the times I hung out with my friends when I was in junior high. I spent a great deal of my allowance on these songs. Hundreds of dollars at least. Good thing I preserved them in the trusty old mp3 format. :) Thank you Germans! The sucky thing is that I don't have ANY of the songs of my favorite band. I gave the CDs to a friend and I think he still has them. The originals I sold on eBay for a morale lowering $60. But yeah, I think I might listen to a bit more of these songs and head to bed.G'night

Phew, another day done with. Left a little early, but oh well. I wasn't doing anything anyway. One of my co-workers said that she and a gang of friends went to the city where Laura and I are going for the B&B. She said she had a great time and said we shouldn't have any problems finding stuff to do. I completely forgot about one thing that I wanted to do, so I have to compensate for that and leave a little early from work on Thursday. It should be fun. I'm not saying where, since Laura checks this periodically and I can't have her finding out. Hehe. Sorry. But yeah, nothing new. Chris called. I guess he wants to have coffee or something on Friday when he gets back. I'm gonna have to call Ben and go by our coach's workplace, too. Thursday and Friday are going to be quite busy, actually. I might even say that those two days combined have out done all the other days for this Summer combined. That's how bored I was. I put a lot of miles on my car this Summer too, but good thing I'm getting a new car soon. I'm just waiting for the moment my car to stop, so I HAVE to get a soon. :) I have to think of something cool for my custom license plate number too. Well, I'm gonna...maybe take a nap. I'm kinda tired...sorta...maybe. Laters.

Well hello to Sunday. It's almost past. Laura's back, though I haven't talked to her much. Surfed all day mostly, did my laundry though, albeit only about 80%. Cleaned up her room a little too. I think I'm obsessive/compulsive. Maybe. Yesterday I hung out with Ben S. Yes, the same Ben that I haven't talked to all Summer and then some. We went to Starbucks, tried to catch up with our old golf coach, but he was "out sick". Yeah, right. We then went to Chili's and I ate lunch. The service was horrible. I gave the guy a $.50 tip. That's what he gets. Fuckhead, I'm never going to that one again. Then we caught up for a little while and I went over to my Mom's. Got a haircut, brought home the old, small fridge that I have no idea where to put even though at the time it was a good idea to bring it back up. I might put it in my room, but it will get unnecessarily hot in there. I might keep it right outside in the hallway...I don't know yet. Right now I'm pretty much waiting for when Laura can talk, either MSN or the phone. I'm pretty bored. I've been reading about how the moon landing by the U.S. might have been a hoax and setup. I was convinced there for a minute, but I think that the U.S. actually might have gone up there. :) I'm always a skeptic and open for any information that might come my way. 3 more days until the B&B. Can't wait. I hope my stay there is better than my Summer, which blew horsenuts all season long. I think I'm just gonna go listen to some music and chill for a bit. Oh yeah, Rod's a little baby.

Why does this world always try to go against me? My Mom was going to come up tomorrow to look at cars and I thought that I was going to get a car now, but I guess we aren't now. Fuck this, I am just going to have to earn this shit myself. I just need to come up with $1600 or more dollars for the down payment. Here's my plan in detail (this is mostly for my reference and plan to follow). I should be able to whip that out in a month and a half or so. I have about $600 spendable right now. My next paycheck should be around $580, so after $320 going to September's rent, I should have near $850 after bills and such...about half way there. If I can push myself to save my next paycheck, which would hopefully be around $500, all of that can go toward my savings, totalling around $1300. So close huh....That would be September 7th. The 21st would be my next paycheck. I have no idea how much I can get from that one, since I'll go going to school and stuff, so let's say a safe $450. After another $320 to rent, I'm left with $1400...god damn!!!!!!! My NEXT paycheck would be early October. I can put all, say, $450 to my savings, which equals a smile-inducing $1800 or so (I'm taking money here and there out, for social reasons). Bingo. I'm golden. BUT, I am supposed to be a nice little $1700 refund check from my great little community college for overpaid grants. That brings the grand total to over $3500. More than enough to get any used car I want. Problem is two-fold. Can I wait that long...and will my car last that long. Tough decision huh? My Mom said she would help me some for the down payment, which is great, but it would be greater if I can pull this off myself. The monkey on my shoulder would be lifted greatly if that happens. Well...it's back to the drawing board for me to make more money. :)

Ah, the weekend is approaching near. Tomorrow is Friday. Hell yeah!!!!!!!!! I just checked my checking account and magically $200 appeared. It must have been my Mom. Couldn't be anyone else, you know? So remember that lottery ticket I bought on Tuesday? I don't think I wrote it in a blog, but yeah, I bought a lotter ticket for last night and I got one number right. I guess everyone was wrong about how I should buy a lottery ticket because I'm so lucky and I would have one. The funny thing is, though, that three of the numbers were off by just 1. Oh well. I'm done with the lottery buying thing. Not my type of thing. Listening to Everclear right now. I haven't heard them in a long time. I wonder if they're gone or just busy recording. This ones going to be a short blog. I'm fresh out of stuff to talk about. I skipped work again today. Yeah, better them saving money than me going there, doing nothing, and them losing money. The funny thing is that they still lose money, hehe, but that's another story. Robin Hood, I tell you. Steal from the rich and give to the poor....err, me. Well, late.

Well not calling or e-mailing in about my day off wasn't so bad. Anyway, I'm now just shooting away the days to when Laura gets back. Actually, it's not the day she gets back that I'm waiting for, but the day I get to see her, which is Thursday. Another week. She's back on Sunday. That's in like, well shit, a few days. How fun is that huh? I was just thinking (like, JUST now), music is a powerful tool. It makes you wonder, think, daydream, pass time away, and thousands of other things more. It makes you happy, sad, excited, anxious, scared...you name it. I'm sure there's a song out there that'll convey a feeling. I always feel happy and secure when I listen to the music I like. I got to hand it to the artists who make great songs. Something I can't do, that's for sure. Chris called me yesterday. He was getting ready to go to Pearl Harbor then to Maui or something. Oh well. I'm really considering going working abroad next Summer. Ireland would be my first choice, but anywhere out of the U.S. would be cool. Council Exchanges is the service provider that I'm probably going to use. For $350 and $40 a month, you can work up to 4 months in places like Australia, France, Ireland, etc. I have to do the job finding, shelter finding, and stuff like that. It sounds great as it literally puts you in the middle of a city and you have to try and live. That's a little less than a year away, but something for me to ponder this long. It'd be a great experience wouldn't it? Laura wants to study abroad too, so we may try and coordinate our dates and travel, but I don't know how much we can coordinate it. Hey, well, I gotta run for now. Later.

It's Monday. What a weekend. I must say that was a weekend not to be forgotten. Right now you probably don't know whether or not it was a good one or a bad one. Let me just recap from the start. Saturday morning I wrote a blog right before I left, if I remember correctly. Well, I left, stopped by CSU, turned in my timesheet and left for camp. It took about 2 1/2 hours or so to get there. First I stopped by KFC to eat something, but I fucking hated it. I got to camp and I was greeted by Laura. That was good. Then she asks me to take to her this shirt place to place orders for camp shirts in Winter Park....I fucking just came from there...anyhoot. I take her there and back to camp. No one knows what the fuck is going on because apparently John in the "man in charge". I started to get irritated so I go outside until something happens. Derek asks me to go to his cabin to pick something up so I take the offer, since I'm doing nothing else. Right as we left the main building, everyone is magically ready to go. Fucking tough shit for them. So we leave camp around 2:45 or so for the camp site...oh wait, it's not just any campsite. It's a campsite that no one knows where the fuck it is. So we drive probably 40 minutes total until we backtrack 75% of our first route to find the campsite. Way to go John, way to go. I'm pretty much out of gas (since I didn't know we were going cross country) and we get there around 4 I guess. We stop by a campsite and get everything out...it's not good enough. "Let's go to the other campsite down there". We pack up and drive down 100 feet to the lower campsite. We set up camp there. By then I'm not in a good mood. I ask Laura to go on a walk with me. We went like, through the woods and sat down on a log and talked for a bit. That made me in a much better mood. We were in an area that resembled the likes of fantasy scenery. Anyway, we went back to the campsite and this ranger type fat ass comes up in a car and starts complaining about shit. About how only 5 people per campsite and shit. We had to pay an extraa $11. No one has money or whoever did couldn't act any sooner so I end up provided the needed $8 that we were short of. He then went on to complain about my car being parked in front of the LOCKED gate saying he might have to go to the pump house tonight or something. He never came that night for your information. I move my car. I keep on eating my lunchable. Soon it's about 6-7 and we gather around to talk and chill. I had fun there. Really. I was cuddling with Laura, but all I heard (well 90% anyway) was camp shit. They go camping to get away from the camp atmosphere and all they can talk about is camp. By now, I'm zoning off in my own imagination and looking up at the sky to see the meteor shower and stuff. I never saw any. I might go look tonight to see if I can see any. Well, around 10 or so, Laura and I go in the tent. We're tired and it was getting cold. The others trickle into their tent around 10:30, I guess. I'm like, finally, I can sleep. Oh no. John, the fucking idiot who can't keep his mouth shut, talks for the the good part of 2-3 hours. I can't sleep while he's laughing his ass away as loud as he can. A couple times the other campers told him to shut up. Apparently he's deaf and dumb. After a bit, one of the campers comes out of his tent, opens Johns tent and chews him out hardcore to shut him up. I was relieved about that, though yet somehow, John must be missing a few chromosomes or genes or something, because he just keeps talking. After he's done, I'm ready to sleep...then TJ and Ashley start talking. What the fuck is this. No one sleeps. I am laying there thinking, I should fucking go home now. That ends at about 4, at which time it's fucking cold. I give all the blankets to Laura because she was cold. I didn't want her to be cold. I was sufficed with the sleeping bag until about 5, when I got pretty cold and I couldn't sleep until the morning came. We all packed up and Laura and I left before anyone, because I needed gas and shit. Aside from seeing Laura, I would have rather taken a 2 day-long shit than go camping with some idiots. After I leave camp, as I had a 1pm appointment with Chris at Starbucks, I realized that I left too late. I was late 30 minutes after hitting traffic and missing some exits that I should have taken. We saw Jeff later on that day. Once we came back, we went to Starbucks again and ran into Ben and Emily. Ben and I caught up for the Summer and decided to play golf with coach probably sometime this week. I have an ortho appointment tomorrow. I'm just glad that this is the last week of camp. I will get to see Laura for good in one week. I can't wait for the B&B. This is Summer went by pretty quick and I can probably say it was one of my worst Summers. No one's fault, but it just sucked. I managed to save no money because of rent, bills, etc. I don't know. I just can't wait for the Fall to start and my classes to start. in two weeks, that'll happen. Before that, though, I just want to spent some good "alone" time with Laura. Well, that was a good blog I guess. :) When we were with Jeff, they talked so much about school, our old high school friends and what they might be doing now and stuff. I didn't talk for much of the dinner because frankly I gave no shit about that. Everyone's different and I am certainly the different one in the group. Then I got to thinking...I need to get the fuck out of this place. I might go work abroad all next Summer. Wouldn't that be so awesome. Laura wants to go study abroad too. If we can somehow coordinate this, it might be a great time. Ireland or England would be the destination. That would be such a great experience. That's next Summer, so who knows what will happen in a year. Well, I'm gonna try and find something to do. I skipped work today. Didn't call or e-mail this time. I just wanted another day of weekend. I'll see ya later!

Well it seems as though the earlier posts are back to normal. I'll read though probably at the end of the Summer to recap a somewhat boring and stupid Summer. I did a lot of thinking last night (sorta, I kinda fell asleep). I'm a decent person, I came to conclusion. I help out when I can and I say things that I mean. Sometimes that may not be the way to go, but hey, at least I ain't lyin'. Anyway, it's 8am now. I'm going to be leaving Ft. Collins in just about an hour. I think I'm going to go have myself a good weekend. Later!

Welcome back to another edition of my ramblings. By now you've probably understood me as a person who can change minds pretty quickly. Well, yeah, I just wanted to state that. I have been listening to two songs over and over the last week. "Everytime you need me" by Fragma and "Heaven" by DJ Sammy...damn...these two pieces are probably the best trance songs that I have heard so far. The two women singing in each song is just amazing, voice and appearance. :) But, today was Friday, which means that I got paid. This is, I believe, the first paycheck where I don't have to pay for anything. Bills aren't here yet and probably won't until my next paycheck. I think I may just save this wad of cash for the down payment for the car. Did I just say save? The cell phone bill is coming, and I decided that I'm going to check it on Monday, after my weekend, to, well, make the weekend a good one. I had my presentation for the web design workshop and it went well. I was pretty nervous, but it went well. Chris I guess has a date with the girl he has been talking about at work tonight. Right about now, he should be with her. I am curious as to how it goes, but that is going to have to wait until Sunday. This weekend is surprisingly busy considering it's mine. Maybe the most eventful weekend. August 12th is the peak for the Pleseids meteor shower that can be seen if you look, I think West? Well, if you know where Casseopeai is, look there. I know I fucked up that spelling, but sorry. I am planning to look for it tomorrow night/Sunday morning with Laura. It is the perfect time, and since the campsite is most likely going to be away from the city, it should be a great view. Isn't it romantic? The two of us under the stars? :) If only there was one more thing we could add to that. lol. Time is going slow and fast all at the same time. I'll explain another time. I have decided to make something for Laura for her B&B extravaganza on the 22nd. I should be able to put it together by that time if I can find the right components of what I'm trying to make. Aside from everything that I'm talking about, I watched XXX earlier today. I have to say, after all the alleged hype, it sucked. I never wanted to see it, but after being dragged by Rod, I caved in and said to myself it couldn't possibly worse than sitting in front of my computer at 4pm in the afternoon in the heat of my room. Well, it did beat it. The only part of the movie I liked about it is the "coolness" factor of the characters and the quite hot Asia Argento...I think that's her name. Look her up when you get the chance. I will definitely recommend it to people to NOT see it. Go see Signs instead. Much better plot, acting, and more realistic. I'll be leaving my house around 9am tomorrow, stopping by to drop off my timesheet at CSU and continuing on to drive to camp. I'm going to try and go slooooooooooow tomorrow. Slow as in the speed limit. I haven't had a time where I "relaxingly" drove my car in a while. When I lived in Niwot, I liked driving back home from Ben's house at around 1 or 2 in the morning with my windows down and going slow enough (about 10 or 15 mpg) to be able to hear the trees whistling in the wind. I am in such a better mood than I was in earlier. Maybe it's the trance. It's hard not to get into a better mood listening to it. I think I kinda made Laura mad earlier today when I talked to her. She was already having a bad day and I didn't help much. This was the second time that she happened to call when Rod was around...it is probably the most annoying thing in the world, I must say. He keeps talking and talking to me even though he knows I'm on the phone with her. It's like, shut the fuck up for just a minute. When this happens, I can't center my attention on Laura, while she keeps talking, and I'm here trying to listen to both of them and when I say "what" to Rod, Laura says "what" since she doesn't know what's going on and sooner or later Laura starts getting mad since she think I'm not paying attention to her, which is true for the most part while I try to give off the idea that I don't want to be around Rod right now. And it's hard to do all this when he tells me to fucking go with him to get food when I just want to sit and talk to Laura. He insisted on me going "just to go along". Fucking the only thing that was accomplished was pissing the major fuck out of me. Well, with that said, I'm about to crash for the night so tomorrow comes a little quicker. I'll write again possibly on Sunday night. Have a good one.

Tomorrow is the dreaded presentation that I have to give. I am not ready to give it at all. I have to practice tonight to make sure I don't fuck up. The good news is that there won't be many people there...hardly any, actually. Maybe 4? I don't know. I'll know tomorrow. I have been trying to fix this blog thing and trying to republish all my previous posts, but it ain't working. Hopefully it's something technical in the blogger system. I want to read my old blogs. Anyway. I tried to check my cell phone bill today and it's in the final stages of processing, so I'll know about tomorrow I guess. It's going to be...horrible to say the least.Over $100 for sure. I don't even want to see it. Anyway, this weekend is going to be either really fun or absolutely crappy. Going camping with camp people at camp isn't exactly my way to celebrate doing my presentation, but I get to see Laura and I guess Derek is excited to hang out with me, so. I'll give it a go. Then on Sunday, Chris and I are going to meet up with a couple good friends from H.S. to hang out and have dinner. That should be fun. Then Chris is leaving on Monday for Hawaii for a couple weeks. I am pretty much going to be by myself for about 1 1/2 weeks. Then on the 22nd, Laura and I will hang out ALONE for the first time in god knows when at the B&B. I can't wait for that. Well, I just gave you my itinerary for the new few weeks. School is about to start and I can't wait for that either though I don't want to take speech. I am really considering dropping it. Ah....the suckiness of life sometimes. Well, I'm going to try one more time to publish all my other blogs. See ya.

Hey all. It's been a boring yet busy weekend and the time I was not writing. I decided to give Laura an out of the blue gift. A bed and breakfast. Actually it's a two for one kinda thing, as I haven't gone to one myself, but she has. Anyway, I found a nice little place about 2 hours from here. I would have found something closer, but I only searched the places with websites. This place seems great and the service I have gotten so far has been great too. I'll report back on how that went when we get back. It's reserved for the 22nd, so it's still a ways away. Among other news, I saw Austin Powers and Signs this past weekend. They are both great movies, though Signs takes my vote, since I'm a alien freak. I rearranged my room, livened it up a bit and put up posters. Looks more cozy and clean than before. I am fucking nervous for this presentation that I have to do for work. It's on Friday. This weekend I told (well, not yet, the message hasn't gotten to her yet) her that I will go up to camp one last time, since it's near the end anyway, to hike with her and her friends. I'm only doing it to see her. I don't like camp or camp people at all. I am glad that camp's over, but at the same time I know I'm going to be annoyed by all the new camps stories that are going to be talked to each other about REGARDLESS of the fact that I don't give a damn and both parties were AT CAMP, so each person knows everything about it already. Anyway, I've already put aside the money for the bed and breakfast. It was quite a dent in my wallet, but hey, it's worth it. I can't wait for Laura to be back. I think this Fall is going to be just fine despite what everyone thinks about me living with my girlfriend "already". I don't care what they say. Just because they say it's not good or wasn't good for them doesn't mean you have to make me worry. Anyway, Chris and I worked on his car today. We put some tint and some decals. Looks much better, but he still has a ways to go. I am currently looking for something to sell in my arsenal of collections, but to no avail, looks like I might have actually sold everything that I can sell. I have nothing left but this old computer, car stereo stuff, my car, and Laura. :) I bet I can get a lot of money for her...hehe, but yeah, it's not for sale. I don't want to take speech class this Fall either. I know I should get it over with, but I don't like talking in front of huge amounts of people. Yes, a classroom is "huge amounts of people". I don't know what I'm doing tonight. It's so boring. Everynight I do the same thing. Forget to eat. Drink lots of water. Surf. Surf...oh wait, surf again, and then put on a trance song and go to sleep. Go to work in the morning...repeat. Boring eh? I gots to find something to do. Oh, and more bad news. My cell phone bill this month is going to be astronomical. Yes, I bet it will be over $100. I can't believe that shit. *sigh* I'll be back soon. I just got depressed. Laters.

Ok, it's been a while. Lots have been happening and it's all not in my favor. My brother came to visit last weekend and I had dinner with him and the family. It was a nice time I guess. The bike idea, however, is out of the question now. I am concentrating on getting a car. Yes. My car is ending is life soon. I can feel and hear it. Anyway, my proposed plan is to get a 3000GT in the coming months...hopefully. I have been under serious pressure lately. Everyone seems to be against me. That's ok though. I don't even know what to do sometimes. I think about what I should do every night before I go to bed and whatever I choose, I change by day's end. I can't make up my mind. Should I buy a car? Should I save up? What should I do? No idea. No one can help me. 2 1/2 more weeks until camp's over and everyone comes home. I'm glad about that. I can't wait for this new school year to start. I mean it. This Summer, sad to say, has been one of my worst. Many reasons contribute to this, but yeah. Currently I have no stereo in my car since I took it out on Saturday hoping I would get a car Sunday. It's Wednesday now and I haven't gotten a damn car. I don't think I will for a bit. I'm not going to install my stereo anytime soon. I may just have to go without stereo for a while. It's not so bad though. I mean, music in the car is something almost everyone who drives take granted for. It's not really necessary (except for those looooooong road trips). I really don't need it. I'm doing fine without it. It's nice to have some quiet sometimes. My credit card is almost paid off (yes, again). I don't know what I'm going to do after that, if I should cancel it or something. Yeah, well, it's burning hot in my room. I'm going to go cool off. See ya.

I think I may have come to a conclusion...after days and weeks of trying to get something, and you can't get it after you've gone through all your options, maybe it's just destined for you not to get it? I say this regarding the motorcycle that I want to get. I have tried everything. Nothing is going right. Tomorrow I will know if I got my loan for the bike or not. I'm serious about this decision. If I don't get this loan, screw it. I'm not going to get a bike until next Spring at least. I mean, why else won't things go my way? I don't know. I'm just bitter. I feel bad about leaving the guy whose bike I am going to buy in the open like this. Oh well. And then I buy this dry mist fan for $111...and it works like a piece of shit. I'm returning it tomorrow, and hopefuly I don't have to pay for shipping, but even if I don't, I'm out $21. I learn by doing. I learned my lesson. Everything in this world costs what they do because it's valued at that price. Simple as that. If you try and get something that worth $500 for, say, $200, it's probably due to some reason that the seller doesn't want to disclose and wants you to find out afterwards. The bottom line? Work, work, work, save, save, save and finally buy what you want to get at the price they charge. No shortcuts. Sadly, my head doesn't function that way. When I see something, it immediately tries to find a way around it to get it cheaper or better yet, free. I can't change this. I know that. The only thing I can do is to learn to control it. I am just waiting for Chris to come by now. I'll tell him the bad news, talk a little, and I'm off to bed. I hate the troubles that I have in my life. It's caused by one thing. Money. If I had enough of it, I would be living just fine. Unfortunately, I'm not like other well off 20-year-olds in the world. I have to work. Pay bills. Earn the shit I want. But in a way I like it. I'm already experiencing the real world. Of course, some people my age might never have to live like me. Good for them. But they'll never feel the satisfaction and sense of achievement that I feel. Paying my bills with the money I earn. Buying the things I've wanted with the money I earn. The list goes on and on. That's all I have to say for now.

Life has a way of swinging things around in complete directions sometimes. I'm sure everyone can relate to that. I got a call, well, a voicemail, from Ben today. That was a surprise. He wanted to know if and when we were going to play against coach and settle the money bet. I am not in the shape or skill to do that, but I will nonetheless. Maybe next week we'll set up a time. At least he hasn't forgotten about me. Anyway, back to what I was saying. Life is strange to say the least. I may get my bike tomorrow after some good news came my way. If I see a good one, it's mine. $4000 is my max though...maybe $4300...but no more. I can't afford it. After selling all the software, I'm going to try and save up. I have my job interview for my second job on Wednesday. You know something? Job interviews seem a lot more unnecessary when I already have a primary job. This second job would be great if I get it, but then again, it doesn't really matter if I don't. :) So, I am going to write a letter to Laura (e-mail) after this. I have something to tell her. I am going to hit the head soon. The faster I sleep, the faster the reality of getting my bike hits me. Hehe. Laters.

The import show was cool. I don't know if it was worth $16, but I got to see my favorite car! A Nissan Skyline GT-R. A very rare site indeed. You find me one strolling along the city, you call me. And then I got to thinking, where do all these guys (and gals) who own these cars get their money? It costs hundreds and thousands of cars to do these things to the cars, not to mention buying the car itself. Do they work? Sell drugs? Ask their parents? I don't know. I know that I sure as hell don't have enough money to do this, even if I do work TWO jobs. Life is one big obstacle for me. Really. I have to work to get what I want. And I have to work REALLY hard to get what I REALLY want. It's proportional. I want to see a movie? I work 45 minutes. I want to buy a bike? Hell, hundreds of hours of work there. Truth is, I don't really need a bike. I keep writing that in here, but I keep telling myself, I need a bike. I don't...I'm doing fine with just my p.o.s. car. It gets me to work, school, and other necessary places. That's all I need in life, right? Wrong. Humans need fun. That's how we grow and learn and live. I can't emphasize enough our striving for fun. Everyone wants it. It may come in different forms, but everyone will kill for it, literally. Well, tomorrow my first work day in 4 days. For a person complaining about money, I sure as hell aren't working enough. :) Well, I get paid this Friday, so. We'll take it week...err, two weeks by two weeks, shall we? Here's to a good Summer.

It's been some time since I wrote. Laura and Ashley and friends came up the 17th. That may explain why. I was at Estes Park for two days and Laura and I came home after we couldn't get a hold of anyone and we kinda ran out of things to do. We did go up a tramway and fed squirrels, went to dinner, looked at shops and stuff. It was fun though. I guess Ashley and TJ are together now. He's cool. I guess I can put "he's ok", too. I don't know. We then went to Rod's work (the 4 of us). He was pretty mad about that. A little fun isn't all that bad is it? And then my luck...I swear, my luck is changing rapidly these days. I checked my checking account and I find out I'm overdrawn $146. What the fuck is up with that? Upon further research, there's a mysterious returned deposit of $316.76. Now, it can be one of two things. Ashley's Dad's check bounced, and Laura's parent's check bounced. I haven't made a deposit for that amount ever, but it's the same as the rent here, so it's one of their rent checks. I am in the process of finding out who's it is. I can't remember which one of them wrote a check that was $.10 over the rent. I am pretty positive it's Laura's parent's check, since I remember her saying "Look, you made $.10". I am going to call her about it now. Hold on. No one picked up. I realized that I told Ashley to tell her parents about it, though it may not be them. Oh well. Ashley's Dad will e-mail me back hopefully today and I will get this straightened up soon. I can't afford this kind of layover time. I need to fucking pay bills and shit. I can't write checks if I'm overdrawn. God DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, today Chris and I are going to an import show in Denver. Paid $16, so it better be worth it. But my bike buying process has come to a halt, for one thing this stupid check return and the other thing my financial aid status is yet unknown. No way am I going to buy a bike if I'm to pay for this myself.

Ugh...*sigh* *slump*...I'm drifting in and out of sleep...and I'm at work. I just started. Damn, I can barely stay awake typing this. I need to find something to do or find a way home...*closes eyes* *opens eyes* *hits head on keyboard* fjknfddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.*wakes up* oh shit...

Late tonight, Laura and Ashley are to arrive here. I'm excited for that, even though I probably will be sleeping by then and I'm actually going to be bummed out that I was awakened by their loud noise making. Today at work was VERY uneventful, as 100% of my office was at a picnic. I opted to pass, since I wasn't that kind of person, but I did get to eat a couple deviled eggs that was served by my superior. My bike searching woes continue, though, I may have found a bike. A 1998 Kawasaki ZX-11. Yes, a ZX-11. Do you know what that means. Instead of the entry-level 600cc that I SHOULD be purchasing, as I have never rode a bike, let alone sat on one before, it's going to be a blistering 1049cc...the owner claims to produce 142HP, which is almost 50 more than my current car. I don't know if I'm ready to tackle a bike that enormously powerful, but we'll see. It's nicely priced at $4500, which should make my monthly payments near $115 a month. Also, I checked the insurance and it didn't go up at all. Strange on this kind of bike, yes. Oh well. My gain. I e-mailed him about some specifics as the mileage, since it stated he rebuilt the engine at 13000 miles. I don't know why you'd do that, but yeah, I better go have it checked by a motorcycle mechanic for "hidden" damages, if there are any. If not, this may be the bike to get. I will have fun with this one! At that kind of power, I'd put the top speed somewhere around 170mph, which I would never go...at my experience level, that is. It is black though, so. I'll keep you updated. People are very strange. They do things sometimes that they never said they would and they say things to make other think differently. I do the same, but some go to extremes. Some don't even listen to others. I don't know. I love being negative about things. It makes everything that's positive in my life that much better, is my view. If you're always optimistic, when will you be surprised about something if you already knew it was going to happen? Something to think about. Chris has bought the Eclipse. He's getting it Friday and I will give or not give my approval on Saturday and we're going to an import show in Denver on Sunday. Hopefully it was worth my $16. I got Rounders from Laura a couple days ago and I'm going to watch it as I get time tonight. It's a great movie, for those who have never watched it. The lawn mower guys mowed the lawn today, like completely. I'm just waiting to get charged for this, though I haven't gotten charged since we moved in. Anyway, it's kinda hot up in my room. I was actually cold last night and this morning. I didn't want to get up at all. Well, catch you later.

So yesterday was quite a bumpy road. First of all, Laura and everybody came late, at like 5 instead of 3 or so. Then they waited for other people to come to go eat dinner. I couldn't wait. I was getting worried as the crowd at the house grew and the voice levels rose. Laura and I went to Rod's work to get a car wash. Laura was in a baaaaad mood from like 6:30 to 10, which wasn't very good AT ALL. She wouldn't talk to me, so I went to SIlvermine Subs and got us something to eat, went to King Soopers and got some Ben and Jerry's for her, and a drink. We talked for a bit and everything settled down. We went to the party with the camp kids. Ugh. Camp. Camp, camp, camp. She's annoying, why did you choose me, who do you hate, blah. Laura didn't get to finish her laundry, and we ended up staying about an hour. Good for me huh? That was about the gist of the night. By the way, I hate people who write "jist". I just want to strangle them, lynch them, and brand them. Idiots. Learn some god damn vocabulary. Now, I just came back from Starbucks and to no surprise, Chris wasn't there. I think that's the end of the Starbucks thing. There's no two strikes and you're out shit. It's 2 in my book. I have nothing to do today. I'll find something. Later.

Before I forget this is in my head, I would like to say Contact was one of THE WORST movies that I have seen in my life. I had high hopes for this movie as it had to do with extraterrestrial life, but as the movie continued, it just sucked. I pushed through to see the scenes where the she goes to vega, but even that sucked. I would rank it #2 worst movie in my list, next to Deep Blue Sea. Hell, at least Deep Blue Sea had good special effects. A total disappointment. I should burn the movie. On a better note, Chris and I had a looooong night of driving last night/this morning. He came over at around 11pm and said he was bored, and so was I, as I was watching the movie Contact (see above review). We proceded to drive around town and cruise and after a bit, Chris suggested we go wherever half a tank of gas would take us up North. So we proceded to drive 2 hours North on 287 and we got to a little town called Medicine Bow, a population of about 390, I believe. We were about 1/4 up Wyoming. We talked about a myriad of things on the way up and back. A good time so to speak. We bought chips, drinks, and cookies to supply our hunger for the trip. Tell you what, it killed 4 hours, so I think it was a good way to kill time. The scary church (a small church about 40-60 miles from here on the side of the road) was damn scary at 2 in the morning. I dared Chris and some money for him to go to the church and come back. He wouldn't budge. We discovered that 136.1 miles North of here in Wyoming, in the absence of city lights and house lights at that, the stars shine quite bright, as Chris insists we saw "the milky way". All things aside, looking at the stars from where we were was amazing. It kind of reminds us what we're missing sometimes living in the city. I probably saw more stars last night than I saw ever, combined (with me living in LA and Longmont, where stars are seldom seen) in my life. I advise anyone who has the time, gas money, and company, to venture out into nothing (I suggest Wyoming, Montana, and pretty much any plains states), and look up for just a minute and let the serenity of silence and peace absorb into you. Laura will be here in a couple of hours, which I'm excited about. I may take a trip into town. Maybe coffee or something. I may just be "out of the house" when she gets here to tease her. Hehe. Funny me.

I'm currently doing my laundry at Chris' house. I'm going to go turn in my timesheet at CSU around 4:30 and then drop by and pick up my laudry. I didn't get paid as much this time, though I worked the same amount of hours. This worries me. I wrote an e-mail about it. Well, while I was waiting for the washer to finish in the laundry room, I walked about the basement and stuff, like my room and my bathroom. I got a rush of memories. Like, I remember all the good times I had there. That was around Fall of 2001. I doubt it'll be like that again. It was just fun, you know? I do miss the old house, though I don't regret moving out. I ate, watched some TV (first time since early June), and I'm writing in here now. Gosh, that paycheck that's lower than usual is really worrying me. I can't check my e-mail until Monday, so I'll have to wait until then if I am to get an answer. I should have sent the e-mail through Hotmail. Damn. I have a few bids on the stuff I have on eBay, but nothing on my digital camera. Dammit. I found a great thing to do earlier today. Since students like me get huge discounts for software and stuff, I think I may buy software and sell it on eBay for near full price. I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a try. Well, I'm gonna get going. Tomorrow Ashley, Laura, and 7 other people are coming here. Yes, I thought the same thing. I'll be cleaning up on the Sunday, that's for sure. Bye.

Ok, so I really didn't go to sleep. I really was, until I went into Laura's room to find a book of some sort and I began to put together the frame I got for her for the Dave Matthews poster. It took about 20 minutes, as it was confusing for one, and pretty hard to do by yourself since the glass seemed like it was going to break. Then I was standing there looking at her photos and stuff and I began to wonder. Why don't I have a lot of photos? I guess my family was not a photo family, like Ashley's or Laura's, but sometimes I wish they were. I like not having photos for reasons aplenty, but it's nice to have something to look at when you were younger. I guess my photo album is in my head. Thankfully I was blessed with great long-term memory and I remember thngs really cleary. I still remember when Nmy brother taught me how to ride a bicycle, when I played golf with my brothers, when I went to Disneyland with my Mom and when I used to go to my Dad's work and every trip that I have gone to. Most of the time it's best left in my head, but some of the great times I want to share it with people, but I can't. I can only tell them about it. That's frustrating in the inside. Though I probably will never be into taking pictures everywhere I go, I will take a few shots here and there. No reason. Just to have something. I look around my house and there's pictures and pictures in frames, albums, and just lying around of Ashley and her friends, Laura and her friends and so forth. I like looking at them. I don't know. Lately I've just been thinking because I have so much time on my hands. Nothing else to do. I think about some of the choices I've made and what would have happened if I chose different and I play out an alternate future. Do you do that? I've played out so many different paths, it's ridiculous. And in the end, I'm just fine where I am now. I have great friends, an okay living area (hehe), a good job, and a great girlfriend. It's hard sometimes in life just to think about the important things. If you're rich, then you can think about the luxury aspect. But if you're living paycheck to paycheck, like how I practically am, things are a whole lot different. Days and weeks are passing by so quickly for me, I feel like I'm wasting my life. It seems just yesterday, I moved into the dorms with Chris, setting up our room, computers, and furniture, getting ready for a crazy experience called college. College isn't as different as any other time of my life. I'm just opened up to a whole new group of people that I'll most likely never meet. :) The friends I make in middle school and H.S. don't mean anything they say and the friends you make in college are the special ones. Not that kind of special. You know what I mean. I think that's true to some extent. To me anyway. My life's been affected the most through college I think. I've learned a lot of things to do, not to do, and what I can do. I've learned to accept others the way they are and not try to change them. I've learned not to go without car insurance for 6 months and find out getting insurance afterwards is a humongous dent in your wallet. And I've learned that I can't live by myself. People need to be surrounded by people. I haven't really lived by myself like this ever and it sucks. Sometimes my best companion is sleep. Now's that's wasting my life. So, enough of this depressing blog crap and the other similar blogs that I've been writing recently. I think the Summer has hit bottom for me this year and from now in it's just on the rise, so I'm happy. If in one year I can learn to live with two crazy girls, :), be away from your loved one for 3 months, have absolutely no money to do anything and sleep all day, I think I can handle pretty much anything. Yup, anything. See ya.

I'm just about to log off, I mean, go to bed, for the night. I decided to sell a few more things on eBay to make my bills a little more pleasing to my wallet. I forgot to write this down a few days ago. I had a cup of water in my hand, well, actually I think it was on the desk. Anyhoo, I was doing whatever I was doing and I reached over the keyboard to touch the monitor or something and when I retracted my hand, it caught on the cup, spilling a few ounces of water on the major left side of the keyboard. I hastedly grabbed the keyboard, waving it around like a maniac in panic, trying to get the majority of the water out. At this time, I though the keyboard was shot. Electronics and water don't fair well the last time I checked. I was pissed, but I decided to stand the keyboard up behind the fan in the room and put the fan on full blast. I left for about 15 minutes and when I came back, the keyboard seemed dry and it worked! Thank you very much to the process of evaporation. This Logitech keyboard is one tough mother. I recommend you all get it if you spill stuff constantly, but just water. I don't know how it reacts to the aftermaths of Kool-Aid or Coke and I will rather not try. Thanks to Laura for getting me such a durable keyboard. The mouse right now is out of commission, just due to batteries, which I can't even find or get. The batteries in the mouse have just enough juice to keep the lights of the laser flickering, but not usable. Bummer. I am currently using Laura's mouse, as my other one just ceased to work. Yes, for no reason. Electronics sometimes. I went on eBay and discovered a wondrous section of "travel". There you can find lots of travel packages, cruises and stuff for so cheap!!!!! I'm talking less than $100 for a few nights stay at like, Cozumel, Puerto Vaerta (?), and Las Vegas. Damn, I have got to bid on one of these sometime. Maybe for me and Laura? Well, the room is beginning to heat up, probably because the enormous heat cloud that this monitor and computer produce, so I'm going to turn it off and read some books or something. Laura calls me tomorrow! (Hopefully after 8 to reduce the damn phone bill). Signing off...

Anna Faris is hot. Check out www.anna-faris.com and you'll see what I'm talking about. If you don't know who she is, she's the girl from Scary Movie 1 and 2. Anyway, I realized that I work differently than most people. Granted, all people are different, to an extent, but I'm extreme. I'm extreme about punctuality, cleanliness (sometimes) and stuff like that. Another thing weird about me is that I learn from trying. That's not such a bad thing, but when it comes to getting a pet, like I did about a month ago, that's the only way to go for me. Of course, there are people, like my Mom and Laura, who say that I should have thought about it more. Yes, true, but thinking only takes you so far. What if I wanted to experience it too? Anyhow, sometimes even I think it's weird for me to have a dog for a month to figure out that it just wasn't going to work and I had to give it back. The dog might have had it coming too. Everytime a thunder goes, it came running upstairs. It put its paws in the water dish and made a mess. Ran around like an idiot sometimes.Yeah, oh well. I learned my lesson. I need time and money. The bike that I was going to get is probably going to work the same way. I can't get enough until I have it and tried for it myself. I don't take stories from others' experience. Just not enough, you know? I will get the damn bike myself if it takes months or years. I will get the bike. Earlier today I thought my fridge was broken again, but luckily it wasn't. Just some condensation from the open water dispenser. It's going away now. It's a really cool night out tonight. Temperature wise. I looked at my phone bill...$19 over. It was $61. God damn! I went over on the anytime minutes. Probably calling and talking to Laura. I'll have to tell her we need to keep it lower this time. I can't pay these outrageous prices. The last month was fucking $48. It's just rising and rising. Well, I'm going to do some research on the 'net on some stuff I wanted to look up.

What am I supposed to do with my life? I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know where to do what I don't know what to do. I have no answers, but I like to live in the present. I worry only the important things when it comes to the future, like paying bills, rent, etc. Not education, work, what I'll be doing in 5 months. I just don't let it get to me. Now, that could be a downfall in my personality, but hey, that's how I live. Spontaneity is bliss...unless you travel to Japan and have nowhere to stay (it's a long story...it's really for 3-4 people actually). I think I may stay at Front Range and get an Associate of Arts degree...or, wait, maybe I'll go back to CSU...but wait, maybe I'll take online college courses and graduate that way. I have no idea. Let me tell you exactly all that's in my head right now, at this moment: Why can't I get a bike, it's hot in here, I miss Laura, I wonder if she's coming down this weekend, I wonder how much I'll have after I pay my ridiculous credit card bill, should I cut up my credit card bill, yes I think I should cut up my credit card bill, what should I do tomorrow, and I can't wait until I get paid Friday. So, the farthest day away that I'm thinking about is pretty much the end of the week. I was looking at some of the alumni list at my old H.S. and I came across this one kid I knew, pretty damn smart kid, going to Stanford and all. I remember when we used to hang out. We both came very different paths. I'm sure he'll be successful (probably) in the future. But is he a better person than me? Of course, it's very opiniated...I don't know. Whatever. I'll have something in the future and so will he. Let's just hope for my sake that I'm happy and doing something I like. I've been wanting to travel lately too. Mostly to England. I want to be in another continent. Just somewhere out of this state, but yeah, England would be nice. I want to take Laura too. Wouldn't that be even nicer. I've decided on a lot of things earlier today. I am determined to go through with it all this time though. The first thing's first. Pay off the credit card bill. After I put this rent check in the bank tomorrow and I get paid on Friday, I'm going to sit down, balance everything out, pay off all current bills, credit card, etc. and I'm going to save up. Save up like a madman. I don't know what for, but I'm sure maybe in the vicinity of Christmas time, I'll have enough money to do SOMETHING. I'll decide then what I'll do with the money, but yeah, I'm going to save up and up and up.

Seems like the fucking world is against me and getting bikes. Damn, I didn't get one and you know what? I realized something. Too personal to say even on this blog, but yeah, I have a new outlook on life now. Maybe I'll trickle out the details as the weeks and months pass by, but stay tuned. Today was a very stressful day at work. Don't even want to talk about it. Anyway, later.

I just took a shower, I feel refreshed and I'm listening to trance as I'm getting ready to go to bed. How much better can it get? I'll tell you how. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Yesiree. You know what that means. The bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope that when my Mom comes up, she will buy the bike. I really do. I want it so bad. I didn't get ANY responses for the job apps that I gave out, but oh well. I'll keep searching. By this time tomorrow, I'll still be drooling over the new machine that I got. Hopefully. Damn, I have doubts, but there shouldn't be any complications. I'll tell her that I'm getting a second job to pay for all this and so forth. IT WILL WORK! Still, it's going to be nearly $6800 total and I hope they deliver it to my garage. Well, I really don't have anything else to say. Laura called this morning on her morning off. I sent her 3 letters (yes, three), and hopefully she got my hallmark card that I got her on the 3rd. That's it. I'll write tomorrow about you know what!

So, I am beat. I'm so tired. But this weekend (Saturday) was one of the more fun Saturdays that I've had in a long time. Ashley, Derek, Grant, Susan, and Becka came down to Ft. Collins. Although I only hung out with the latter 4 people, we had fun. I hung out with Ashley and it was really fun. The most fun part of the night, I think, was when we were moving the mattresses of hers from the old house to the new house. It was sooooo heavy, and I couldn't have done it by myself, but Ashley did give a much needed hand. It was funny though overall. Everything seems to have settled down around here though. The rent check of $316 was apparently sent to Ashley's PO Box (don't ask) so her Dad sent another check to my new address. The one in the PO Box is for next month's rent. But yeah, it was nice to see everyone again. Back to the bike story. TUESDAY IS THE DAY!!!!!! That's right. You read it right. Tuesday I'm going to have my own bike! I talked to my Mom and although she was hesitant, she is coming up on Tuesday to get the bike that I was looking at yesterday and HOPEFULLY going to buy it then. I am going to register for the motorcycle training class for this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to pay it. I can't wait! The colors are white and blue, though mostly blue. I am getting a white and blue helmet also. I'm skipping right now on all the other accesories because I'm flat broke, but we'll see what happens. I've been getting weird charges on my credit card too. I e-mailed the appropriate places to get refunds. It's like $40. Today I woke up at 6:30, because Ashley had to leave for camp quite early. She's not too fond with Derek OR Rod right now. I'm glad I'm not either of them. Went to Starbucks and I called Chris at like 10:55 because I just had the feeling he wasn't up and I was right. He ended up showing at around 11:05. Strike one for him. He's still trying to find a car. I, on the other hand, am in perfect position. I got a quote for insurance from Progressive at $147/year. Sounds good to me. By this time next week, I should be set for riding my bike regularly. :) Well, I'm going to go eat my leftovers from last night, so I'll be back here maybe today, probably tomorrow. Depends whether or not I'm bored, which, most likely, I will be. Bye.

People are too unpredictable. I just woke up at 5:30 to go meet a friend at a jacuzzi at 6...to find out that he didn't show up. God damn. Why make me go through the trouble of waking up butt ass early in the morning, driving to the place, and make me come back here. Sometimes I tell you...last night was also one of the most frustrating, and tiring, nights of my life courtesy of Laura's huge, oversized, heavy, stupid desk. Rod and I had moved the lower half sometime ago before the girls went to camp and yesterday we got around to moving the upper half. We stopped it at the top of the stairs and Rod went home and decided to do it in the morning, ahem, after the jacuzzi. Anyway, I'm not the one to leave stuff unfinished, so I decided to try and figure out a way to put it into the room, the first reason that we stopped and left it at the hallway. The things too damn big to go in the room, great huh? I spent 30 minutes or so trial and erroring trying to take off the fucking cabinet doors, which had phillip's head screws, with my can opener on my knife. That didn't work and I ended up breaking one of the screws, so I went to Chris' house and got an actual phillip's head. By the way, if you know that I'm spelling it wrong tell me. Is it phillips or phillip's? Ok, back to the hardship. I got both doors off and I proceeded to slide the desk into Laura's room, which barely fit. And then I POSSIBLY couldn't leave it there unfinished, as I wouldn't be able to sleep well. I devised a setup to lift the huge desk (way more than I can carry or let alone lift up with just my strength) and mangaged to get it up some 3 feet onto the lower half of the desk. I screwed in the doors and the task was done. This whole process, which took nearly 1 1/2 hours, yielded two important lessons for me and hopefully to everyone out there. Never say you'll help move a desk that takes more than 2 people to even lift and NEVER GET A DESK THAT BIG. *sigh* And now here I am, half awake, tired, and aching from getting up early for no reason. I would call him, but that'd be too nice of me. I'm sure he's sleeping his time away. At 11 though, I'll be going to the motorcycle shop with Chris to check out the awesome sportbikes that I can't get and hopefully I can see the bike I want. Afterwards, I'm going to Longmont to pick up the frame for the posters that I got Laura. Oh yeah, I haven't written that down yet. I got Laura a signed Dave Matthews poster for Christmas. Yes Christmas. I ended up getting two, because I thought she'd like the other one better, but I showed it to her and she likes them both...equally. My luck. So I gave her however much time she wants to decide. I bought a glossy black frame for one of them, so I'm going to get that today and I'm going to see which one looks better in the frame. AFTER that (gosh, it's a busy day), Ashley, Derek, and Grant should be arriving, or maybe even just leaving, from camp to come out to Fort Collins to visit. That should be around 4pm or so. I have no idea what we're going to do when they get here, but I want to move Ash's bed matress tonight. I think I spelled that wrong. Mattress. That looks better. Anyhoo, I'm thinking we're just going to have to put it on top of Ash's car and take it to the house. Should be a VERY FUN EXPERIENCE once again. My life is very weird. I'm hungry now, though I have nothing to eat and I don't want to go buy anything as my credit card bill is up to around $310 or so. I NEED that rent check! I thought to myself why hasn't it come yet. I'm afraid that Ash's Dad my have sent the rent check to her P.O. Box, which I couldn't get to anyway. I hope that's what happened and I can put the money in the bank on Monday. If not, I have no idea what's going to happen. I better not be out $316.66. I'm not that rich. Well, I'm going to leave you for now. I'm gonna maybe fall asleep for a couple hours before I have to get ready. See ya.

Good evening. Well, the fourth is slowly coming to an end. I ended up, upon request from Chris, to watch the fireworks from the roof of his house, but we didn't get to see the fireworks...yeah, and then after we get down (it was a pain getting up and down in the first place), the fireworks near the house starts. Great, we say. We stood there for about 10 minutes watching the fireworks end in its finale. I came home, watered the lawn and now I'm about to go to sleep. We also went to Applebee's beforehand and there was a damn hot hostess there and I COULD not make Chris do something about it. I guess he is convinced that he's never going to get laid in his life or what not. The funny story too was that he went to the mall to the chocolate store and actually bought $5-$6 worth of chocolate to talk to this girl only to find out that she had a boyfriend. Moral of the story? Only get chocolate if you like chocolate and THEN think about the benefits that might come out of buying the chocolate at this place. Anyway, that's pretty much the night. It's cool out tonight also, so that's great for me to sleep in. I hate it when it's blistering hot even at midnight. And another thing, I may have made a decision on a certain thing that I was thinking about for the past week. I think I'm going to go through with it. It'll be the better for both parties. I won't put it on here, as some people may read it before I get a chance to explain, but yeah, I should be posting it here by Monday to tell you the overview and result. I'm going to see bikes on Saturday. Yippee. Until tomorrow, g'night.

Good afternoon. So, I watered the lawn for a good 30 minutes just now. It was quite calming. I thought about a lot of stuff, actually. Just little things. Rod and I went to Boulder today, after we concluded that going to Denver, our original idea, would be a waste as there was nothing to do there. We looked at a pipe shop and Rod couldn't get money from the ATM, so we ended up leaving and got back a few hours ago. Derek is driving himself and Ashley down to Fort Collins this weekend. Rod found that out and he was in a bad mood, talked about running away and what not. Although, I admit, I may be a little irritated if I didn't get hardly any letters or calls. I am a lucky fellow, as Laura calls me every chance she could and I get letters. On a side note, it seems as though Ashley's Dad sent the money a while ago, but I don't understand why it's not at my house. I need that money. My credit card billed is racked up to $273 the last time I checked. But keep in mind that $218 of that was for fixing my brakes, so $50 ain't that bad for me. I used to spend hundreds of dollars more than that and that was when I didn't even have a job. So yeah, I need to pay that off and start from $0 again. I don't it to get out of hand and the interest to kick in and never be able to pay it back. I may take off early from work tomorrow. It's going to be a sloooooooow day. I could just skip, but, I have nothing better to do. Today is hot too, outside, but it's not so bad in my room. It's nice and cool. I was in the mood to take a nap, but now I'm not tired at all. A couple hours ago I was drifting away into my own world for a minute. I was also hoping I could plan to sabotage the stupid ass fireworks display that's going to be near my house tonight. I was hoping it would rain, but that's not going to happen. Damn shit. I tried to go look at bikes today, but the stupid ass holiday (again, spoiling my fun) made the store get closed. The mail doesn't come either. What the fuck is up with this holiday crap. Work during the holidays would ya? The next big holiday from what I can gather from my head would be Labor Day in September. Finally, a couple months of no holidays. I want to go to the hot tub with Laura. Rod and I went a couple days ago, yesterday actually (??) and it was raining. It was so cool. I should just get a fricken spa/jacuzzi for our place. They aren't that expensive, if you consider $500 cheap. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have NOTHING to do. God damn. I need more things to do. This sucks. This Summer sucks in general. Well, I'm going to look for more jobs online. See ya.

Ok, I swear this is my last time for today, but I just wanted to get this down so I can remember it later when I'm scouring through my blogs. Friends are weird. They are the weirdest things in the world. You can never figure them out, ya know? I think every human is the same deep within. They just care about themselves. Seriously, I'm sure there are really nice people out there that are caring only for others, but in the end, it's you who you want to protect. The past year I learned a lot about me, my friends, and my life. I can't take things for granted anymore. People change. I have to accept that. People act the way they want to, when they want to. I have to accept that too. The only thing that I can do is the cope with it, maybe manage to try and influence them a bit, but that's about it. In the end, everyone is going to have to adapt and change along with everyone to get along. I have changed a lot in the past couple years and I can tell that. No one has to tell me that. I know how I've changed. A lot of my views have also changed. I think about stuff differently now. What I used to think and know doesn't comply anymore. Like I said in the earlier blogs some 3-4 months ago. Nothing is a constant in this world. Wake up next morning the you might now see the sun come up, or the sun go down. Fuck, you might not even wake up the next morning. You just can't tell the future. You can only create it. But yeah, I just wanted to let that rant out before I lost it. I'm getting ready to leave now. Have yourself a great night.

I'm sitting here munching on chocolate chips despite the fact that I hate chocolate. For some reason it's good and there's nothing else to eat in the house. Anyway, update for this weekend: Ashley is coming down to Ft. Collins since she has the weekend off, so I'm going to hand out with her. Maybe I'll get her that b-day present while she's here. I guess the package that Rod and I sent with a lot of stuff from the $1 store got there today and Laura was a bitch about it and Ashley got nothing. *shakes head* I'm going to have to have to a talk with her about this. Tomorrow being a stupid ass holiday, I can't go to work. I hate holidays, especially this one. Why the fuck would you want to shoot fireworks into the air for a few short-lived seconds and celebrate what happend hundreds of years ago...people dwell on the past too much, I swear. Anyway, I am going to work on Friday, after careful consideration. I was going to take it off, but I thought, heck, I don't do anything anyway. Might as well get paid for it. So, I'm still looking for that second job and I just finished watering the backyard. Woohoo. Well, that's it for now. I'm going to the hot tub later and hanging out with Rod, who I'm sure is just going to smoke...fricken pothead. Lates.

I'm furious. I got a letter from the financial aid office and I went over there promptly to give them what they requested. Next? Here this. They want this one form that I gave to them about 3-4 weeks ago and yes they did go check to see if they had it, but of course not. Fucking assholes. I hate the people who can't fucking do their job. I sent in the forms, so put them away in a secure place so it can be found later. I called my Mom and asked her to fax the form again to the financial aid office and if they lose it this fucking time, I'm going to take some action. I'm tired of people who can't do their jobs. The lady that helped me wasn't doing shit when I got up to the counter and it took at least a minute for her to respond and say "Hi, can I help you?" Yes you can fucking help me. No, wait sorry, I was just coming here to lean up again the fucking counter you piece of shit. I'm sorry to bother you and waste you "work" time about my problems, but the due date for tuition is about a month away, so I'd appreciate it if you can take about 2 minutes of your time and help me out. Go have a break afterwards or later in the night, but not when I get to the counter. You hear me? I almost chose to forget about this financial aid thing and pay for the tuition my god damn self. Hell, it'd be easier and less irritating for me AND it won't bother them with more work. Fucking shitheads. If they give me anymore trouble, they're going to get a letter so nasty that once it gets through to the big boss having fun and relaxing somewhere in the Bahamas, they'll be giving me scholarships left and right.

Just a note, I changed my layout. I didn't know that you could change the layout this easily. I was really getting annoyed with the one I chose when I first started...my knowledge about blogs are increasing slowly. :)

Well, July has started and in a good way, I guess. Not really, though. I sent some packages out today to the girls up at camp. I hope they like it. :) I got a request to do a Flash intro for a person at work for her webpage. I get paid $25 at least. Hehe. I dropped the price down from $50 to $25, was that stupid of me? Nah. I don't think so. Another thing can go into my "portfolio", plus, I like doing these things. The week is halfway there. I know it's only 4 on Tuesday, but for me, the work day is already passed. I need TV. I want to watch the Food Network and the Discovery/TLC more than anything. Dammit. I might just break down and subscribe to cable. My bills are expanding rapidly. Rent was due yesterday, and though I wrote a check and turned it in, I haven't gotten Ashley's part. It better hurry, as the check may bounce. Also, I haven't gotten ANY mail in the last two days. I know that it can happen, but it's just weird. I usually get SOMETHING plus letters from Laura. She sent one on Saturday and that should have been here way before today, like Monday, but to no avail. God damn. I suspect someone is stealing my mail. If that's the case and I find out who is doing that, I'm going to impale him. Laura called last night on her night off. It was a good time, but I made her feel guilty about leaving for camp and leaving me here all alone. :) It's true though, they're up there with their friends, having fun, and I'm left here with a scattering of people who I call friends, my hot ass room (it really gets into the 90s in this fricken room), and I do nothing all day. But we say to each other that it'll be better in the long run, when she's moved in here and we'll see each other everyday. I don't know, do you think fights are healthy??? To an extent I think so. I am about to go to (in about 3 hours) Barnes and Noble for some reading to exercise my noggin. Plus I want to look more at bikes. Pretty much it for news from the midwest. I think I might go prance around the blogger website and find some neat stuff. I also need to check out my daily dose of www.ilovebacon.com. Just an awesome place. Although, I can't believe the guy does the website for a living.

Welcome to another edition of me babbling aimlessly. Today, well, let's first start off with yesterday. Laura came down from camp, which was great. We hung out, ate some lunch and dinner, and watched Ocean's Eleven (part of it, she was tired), and spent the night cuddling for our 7th month together (tomorrow). She's just great. The best thing that's happened to me. Yeah, but I won't be able to see her for a couple weeks from now since she has to work on the weekend next week. Sucks I know! Not much done today. Did some laundry, surfed around, and talked on MSN. Today was damn hot though, again. But here's the update on the bike thing. It's getting closer than I thought. I applied to for a couple P/T jobs so I can make some payments easier on me. As for the bike, next pay check I'm going to take the rider safety training, which upon completion, will waive my motorcycle riding part of the license test and all I have to do is the written part, which shouldn't be hard at all. Then, my quest for finding the bike I want starts and the whole getting a loan, thing. I'm looking to spend around $6000 for a 2001+ Yamaha YZF600R for my first bike. I can't wait! But yeah, I was at Chris' house today (doing laundry) and I was reminiscing some of the times we had in that house while I lived there. All and all, I had a good time there, I'd say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not regretting moving out, but yeah, things are better now. I think I'm going to have to get a new windshield though. I noticed just today the crack across the windshield and partly up the windshield has almost gone all the way to the top. Dammit. I'm probably going to Elite Auto Glass or something to replace it. Damn, another couple hundred gone. Shit like this just sucks. I have no space to spend money for myself, but I guess I can't complain. So anyway, that's about all I have for tonight. I keep wondering how long this blogger.com is going to last. If they go down the shoot, are they going to send me my blogs via e-mail or something? I don't want to lose them. I spent time on these fuckers. But, I'll be seeing you guys later.

Well, we're nearing the end of June. Lots of stuff happen at that time. Rent is due, bills are coming, and most importantly, it's only 6 more weeks until the gang at camp come back to good, fun Fort Collins. I miss them, especially Laura. Now that the kids are coming every week, I hardly have a chance to talk to her. On the weekends I see her though, which is good. The past week I saw The Bourne Identity...I don't know if I said that already, but yeah, it was good. What was even better was Minority Report. Awesome. Tom Cruise was good as ever. I was at their site last night and was at the precrime site doing games/puzzles and stuff. Anyway, I'm hoping to switch my ridiculously expensive insurance from the one I have now at $938 for 6 months, to Geico (yes, the fricken lizard) at $650 or so for 6 months. That's almost a $300 savings. That's always good. Having a credit card is a bad idea. lol. I swore to use it for emergencies, but yeah, it's already piling up. Thank god I have a job and am getting paid in 2 days. I'll just pay that off quickly. I bought some stamps yesterday. I can't believe they're raising the price to $.37. Why are they doing that? It's stupid. But I guess they need the money huh? 1 million people buying a book of stamps at $.34 would yield $340K. With a $.3 increase that becomes $370K. I don't know the annual stamp buying statistics (though I should), but 3 cents would come to a lot more money in the whole scheme of things I guess. Fricken government. That was a useless rant. I took the day off today. Also, I sent Laura a bouquet of flowers to camp yesterday! It got there supposedly at 2:21pm, which was too late for her to get it yesterday, so she'll get it today while she's having lunch and HOPEFULLY, she'll be embarassed when she gets it today. Just a dozen pink roses, which she loves, but yeah, I thought it would be nice. Plus, there was a good deal. Hehe. Looks like it's going to be damn hot again today too. I don't know. I just hate Summer. Summer vacation may be the worst thing in the world. There's never nothing to do even though earlier in the year you and your friends talk amongst each other about going to road trips and stuff. Usually never happens, but hey, it's good to chat. My motorcycle project is coming along smoothly. I recruited the help of a fellow co-worker that has a bike and I'm getting advice from him. So far the only things I'm sure about are the following: the bike will be 600cc or lower, insurance won't be over $150/year, and it's either going to be a Yamaha or Kawasaki. I can't wait. I found a nice looking bike here in Fort Collins, but I can't get it dammit. I have no money. I don't want to go get a loan now. That would be stupid. I'll just have to wait. I have, in the meantime, downloaded some mpegs of bikes. Damn. They're awesome. Well, before I babble on to my death, I'll be going now. I have to get ready ya know?...to do nothing that is. I'll be back soon...er or later.

Well, well...look what we have here. Little ol' me writing again. Seems like from the last time I wrote..well, it's bee 13 days. I just came back from the theater watching The Bourne Identity. It was a good movie. I like Matt Damon...but above all, I've been waiting for tomorrow's premier of Minority Report. Damn, that looks good. I have been working, but pretty much 3/4 days because I have nothing to do, but apparently we are getting another big project here within the next week, so I'm psyched for that. I'm also excited to go up to Estes Park on Saturday with Laura. We're going there because she can get free rooms at a hotel through her work at camp. Nice huh? It's going to be a long day though...about 4-5 hours of driving I'd say. Can't wait to see her though, that's for sure. I can't go a week. But yeah, I have some things to say here, but I can't because it has to be kept confidential, even to my close friends. Sorry to whoever reads this! I don't think many people read this though. But yeah. I have been wanting to get a motorcycle for the longest time and I should be able to pull it off maybe by next Spring. I didn't realize how cheap the insurance is for a bike. It's like $140 a year...damn good if you ask me. Next month my insurance for the car will HOPEFULLY go down lower than fricken $166 a month. That's killin' me. If it would go down to about $105 like it used to be, it would help me out so much. It's been hot here lately. around 96 and shit. I can't do that. It's too hot in my room and I can't cool it down because, well, it's hot outside and we have no A/C. Oh well, it's not so bad. Living here is going good, by the way. The dog's doing great too. He's bored though, I can tell. He stays in the house all day because there's no one home, (me primarily) and I am never in the mood to take him out on a walk. My next project, though, like I mentioned would be the bike. I need to take motorcyles classes, as I have no idea how to run one, and that'll make the insurance even cheaper. I'm looking at a mid-class ~600cc bike...pretty much anything for me to start out. I just want to go fast, that's all. 180+ is my goal before I die. It's getting dark outside, which has usually been my que to go to sleep. Yeah, 10:30's my bedtime. I wake up at 6:30. I'm used to it now. I have to take a shower though. It feels so good right before you go to bed. It's the third to best feeling. I'm not disclosing what the top two are. Hehe. It's not what you think. I'm selling a couple more things on eBay...actually it's over now, I'm just waiting for the payments to arrive. The combined total should be around $120...hehe, extra money baby. I also got a fricken credit card again, but this time I've learned my lesson...not to use it when I have no money to pay them back. Seriously, a credit card can be either the best thing in the world when used correctly, or pretty much hell. Never get into debt people...it sucks. Lucky for me, I have fairly good credit, as I haven't ever been late for a payment courtesy of my Mom, which I promise will pay back soon. Maybe even the next pay check depending on how much I have left ya know? Bills suck, vacuums suck, and whores suck. Well, I'll try and not to forget about my blog...because I really did forget up until about 20 minutes ago when I'm like...wait a minute. I have a blog!...and thus I'm here writing again. Among the hundreds (hehe) of hours of surfing I've done in the past couple months, I have seen a slew of new sites that're cool. I'm not going to write them down because it's a pain and I can't really rememember them all, but yeah, just wanted to mention it. The next edition of the blog will be a lengthy, well, kinda, of my opinion on 'geniuses' of our century (past century). We'll see how that goes. Talk to you later and have a good night!

Whoa, so, a lot has happened again since the last time I wrote. It's been a while. I have good reasons though. I wrote this blog at home, as a matter of fact, saved it on disk, and took it to work to upload it to my entries. So...right now I have no idea what day was the last time I wrote, so I'm going to update you. Laura and Ashley left for camp on June 2nd...THAT sucked. It was probably the saddest day for a long time for me. Laura and I hung out all night the night before and the morning was even harder. We both cried a lot. I'm embarassed to let that one out. Anyway, we are going to communicate to each through letters since she can't make calls at camp NOR will she have internet access. How else can it blow? I got the new dog, named it Magellan and he's doing quite well in the new home. He's learned to pee outside, not go upstairs, etc. We're doing great. The house is empty though. Not furniture, food, etc. empty...just...I want company. I guess Camp Chief Ouray isn't too far from here, only a couple hours from what Laura told me, so I am happy about that. I am going to go up there every chance I get. I can even go up though for the first time until about 2 1/2 weeks from now since they have training or something and they don't have weekends off the first two weeks. More bad news huh? Tell me about it. I've been trying to keep myself busy since they've left, but it's really not working. I miss Laura so much. I can't stand to be away from her for more than 1 or 2 weeks at a time and now it's the entire Summer?!?! I have been getting lunch with Zach though up here in Fort Collins. The first time we went to Wok and Roll and the second to Schlotzsky's Deli. I'm sure we'll go again sometime this week. The house is still packed with things to get unpacked though. We only managed to move Laura's lower half of the desk before they left and nothing big of Ashley's. Kinda sucks. I'm going to try and convince Rod to help me move the rest of the shit. What else...work is going good. Busy lately, which is a first and it's stuff that takes quite a while. I need to keep myself entertained at work somehow. Also, the site that Jesse and I were working on is finally up and running. EliteStudia.com is the URL and please visit! We're hoping to make some money on this deal. Apart from copying a few hundred dollars worth of software at work, namely Macromedia stuff, that's about the bulk of the news and sadness. I'm going to Rod's work here in about 20 minutes. I took Magellan to the vet today and fuck it was a lot. $80 or so with an exam and all the shots. Unbelievable how much they charge. I don't even think I have that much money lying around. I just wrote a check and hoped that it's not going to bounce. That would suck. I should be fine though. I can emphasize enough how much I'm missing Laura. I've written 3 letters and it's been 2 week days. I'm going nuts. I have been watching so much Food TV that I'm going insane. That's a good thing though, because although we cancelled the cable 4 days ago, it's still there. We're hoping that it'll stay like that for a long time. Also, Friday is a glorious day because I'm getting cable internet installed in the house! I can't go for more than a week without the internet. That's almost as bad as missing Laura. It actually would be if I cried over not having the internet. I cried a little today though thinking about Laura. I hope she's having a blast at camp though, as much as I hate camp. But yeah, the blog will become regular again after Thursday and I'll BET you that I'll write every night bitching about me missing Laura. Oh well...I can't wait to see her. I saw a documentary on the Goo Goo Dolls and I learned a lot about the hardships they went through. I haven't gotten a haircut and I desperately need to. Maybe tomorrow? Nah, I have no money for that kind of luxury. Well, I think I'm going to say goodbye for now with a tribute to Bob Marley (I'm listening to him right now). So, stay healthy...I know I wont'!

New blog coming very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't sleep. I need to, but I can't...it's the worst feeling in the world. I am going to fall asleep knowing that when I wake up a few hours from now, I won't be refreshed and subsequently will be tired the entire day. That's what most of my weekdays are consisted of. Maybe things will change. Fat chance...there are two kinds of people in this world. The liars and the non-liars. Whichever becomes your friend is your choice. Some people like liars, like to lie and some people are truthful and trustworthy. The only answer to find out the truth is life. You have to live it and you'll find out sooner or later. I just hate the ones who tell you one thing and you KNOW that they're lying and is feeding you bullshit. What do they get? Amusement apparently. People just joke things off. I fucking hate that. What do I get? The worse feeling inside you. The bad feeling when you know you can't trust people...it sucks. There are a few people in my life or was in my life that I could really trust. Really trust. Not the usual meet me for lunch at 12 or could you send these letters out kind of trust. I mean trust like would you stick up for me in situations, even though you know I'm wrong. Would you do so and so for me and not tell anyone...as telling anyone would result in disastrous consequences. Of those few people, I'm hesitant and sad to say that there are just a couple in my life now. I'm not saying who. You know who you guys are and I know who they are. That's all that anyone needs to know. The world needs more people like these people. It's just...sad. You spend your entire life with the people you choose and sometimes that turns out to be a blessing. Sometimes not so great. But you need them. You need both kinds of people to live, which is strange. You should just be able to live by yourself if you could, but you can't. You can't just live with the liars, because then you wouldn't even know the truth. Living with just the honest ones is just, well, boring. A careful blend of each will yield the best results. Do you have the right blend? I am going to start an internet site offering services for money with my friend that I've ignored for the most part after H.S. It turns out that sometimes the ones you hated are the ones that really care. Strange how that works. I know who my friends are and of those friend, a few of them I've got to know them well enough that I know when they're sincere. It's just a matter of whether or not I should do anything about it. I am going to get shit for teaming up with my old friend to do this site, but he's the only one who was willing to put forth the effort to start something like this with me. Some just said yes and never took action with me. I can't deal with that. So continuing on my life at age 20, I guess I'm still searching for great friends. Great friends that I thought I had up to now aren't really that great anymore. Sad to say. People replace people, friendships are replaced by other friendships...but memories stay. I will still have the memories of when my friends WERE actually friends. I don't know if they had a plan or what. What is the meaning of my life? Is it to just satisfy the fucking life of another friend by giving up some happiness of mine? Is it to be existing so I can hear the bullshit of this world and not be given enough power to do anything about it? Is it to go out of my fucking way to make another person's life easier? Shit, I'm tired of this. In a little more than a day, I will be moving out of this house and moving into a new house, with different people. I think it's a good decision on my part. I will be able to get away from a lot of my troubles and worries. What am I sacrificing for that? I don't know. I'll know in the future when I look back at my entire life and see what I've accomplished. I need to start putting my priorities in order. It's the people who do that correctly who become successful. But what is success? It is characterized by your status in society? I don't think so. I'll bet that even a homeless person out on the streets is a better person than most living in this world. Wanna argue that with me? I don't want to. You go try living out in the streets and giving up everything you have to survive. I'm sure most will give up and go back to one of their "friends" for help. Well what about the people who don't have friends? Friends are taken for granted. I hate it when I'M taken for granted...again sad to say that I am sometimes. I notice it yes, do I say anything? No. Why you ask? Because it's not worth the effort. Some people just don't fucking care if you are there or not. You're just there to use. When I become 21. I'm willing to bet that friends that I haven't talked to in days, months, or even years might come to me asking to buy alcohol. And you know what? I will for the most part. Why you ask again? Because I just hate to see people getting let down. But sometimes you just have to let them down to make them realize the importance of a friend. If they still don't get it. I have no solution for that. Go fucking find other friend's who'll be your bitch. "Good things come to those who wait"...is it true? Maybe. I have been waiting quite sometime for something good to happen to me and frankly I think I've gotten it. In the big view of things, that phrase doesn't apply to things like, winning a trophy or getting an A or shit like that. It's the more valuable things in life. Your true love, accomplishing what you've wanted to do since you can remember, making someone happier than they've ever been before. That's the things. What's the good that's happened to me? Well I'm sure someone can figure that out. College is one of the best times in your life. If someone tries to tell you it's the best time of your life, who's to say that? What if your childhood was the best time of your life? Other people don't know your life. Frankly I don't think college is THE best time of my life, but it sure it a good time. New people, new experiences, and new ideas sprout. Yet...I'm still waiting for the good things to come my way. Working, paying bills, schooling, and shit like that will hopefully pay off for me in the future. When someone tries to out do you in something they have no idea about...that just pisses me off. To this day, only a few people know the shit I've gone through and had to deal with in my life. If you're not one of them, please, don't fucking try and impress me with your bullshit. I don't CARE if you're smarter than me. I don't CARE if you have more money than me. I don't CARE if you think you are a better person than me. Everyone is individually perfect. Hell, most animals are smarter than most fucking humans. Go out there try to survive for even a month. I'll guarantee you'll get eaten by the bacteria in the end. Why do you frown upon Hitler? Bin Laden? Why do you praise soldiers who KILL the enemies? Who's a better person? Each are fighting for what they believe in. So who's right? Obviously the bad guys are wrong...since they're...well, bad guys. A lot of people disagree on my liking of Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Kahn. Yeah they tried to take over the world. Yeah they killed millions of people. What's the furthest you've gone to obtain what you want? I bet it's not THAT far. I'm nearing the end of my thoughts and I do have to get going to bed. I feel a little better now that this is over. I hope people begin to realize that life ain't a game. It's war.............

Hey...so yeah. Let's see, where to begin. When Shane was here last night we talked a lot about school and I got to thinking about it. There are people out there, like Shane and another friend of ours, Jeff, who study their ass off in school to do good. I guess I'm not that kind of person, but I want to be. I guess Jeff had 20 credits and he pulled a 4.0, which is pretty amazin in itself plus the fact that he's in a hard school. I guess he didn't have time at all to have fun, or if he did, it was a meager amount of time. I can't get motivated to do that. Shane said that the last couple weeks he said he'd study for about 8 hours on the weekends just to be ready. I CAN'T do that. I know that sometimes studying can be actually fun. I've had that experience before. It's when the studying is boring and goes over my head when I starts to lose concentration and listen to music or surf or whatever there is to do to get away from the studying. I hopefully can change next semester. I decided to up my credits from 9 to 15, though 4/5 classes are online. It's a start for me right? I guess we just have to get through these times. Once we get through this, it should be a pretty nice life after the education that you get from college. I guess that hasn't hit me yet, since I believe that a degree isn't everything, but everything in the real business world thinks that a person with a degree is always better than one without. With that out of my head, I'm raising my glass to a better next semester. Most likely next Friday or Saturday will be the day that I get a new dog. Hopefully there'll be and I'll be able to get it. I'm looking for a cattle dog, like the dog that Laura has. I like those kinds of dogs. Sucks that huskies and dogs like that are out of the question. I may go to Elitch's on Sunday, but probably not if I get a dog, since that's over $200 down the tubes right there just with the adoption of the dog and the pet deposit. Plus I have to buy food and accesories. Then I have to RUN with the dog most every morning. All plans put aside, I probably won't be able to do that, because it means me getting up around 6, running for maybe what, 30 minutes or so???...taking a shower, and then eating and going to work by 7:30...I will either love it or hate it. I do need to get in shape, so that may be what I'll do. No one will be here this summer with the exception of Chris and Rod. Rod with be working right when I get off work and he gets off at 10:30, so I'll most likely not see him unless it's the weekend or something. Even then I want to drive up to Winter Park to see Laura a few times this summer and the rest of the time I'll want to sleep or something. It's gonna be a weird summer. If I don't get a grant or something for my tuition, that means I'll have to pay that too, which will suck and probably half my money made this summer will be gone. and with bills, rent, and insurance...oh yeah, and phone, it's gonna be a tight summer budget wise. At least I'm getting to know the real world huh? Chris is doing who knows what. I will probably see him maybe a couple times this year. I will also be working on making the garage area look nice before the girls come back for the summer. Man, I thought summer was the time you have fun?? I guess some people have fun, some don't. Nothing else has happened lately. Been working, wasting time, watching the food network and sleeping for the most part. I have nothing to do at work (yes, still). I am trying, but my both actually comes back next Tuesday, so, I'm SURE she'll have something for me to do. I listened to a few hundred songs (trance) the last couple of nights and compiled a CD of the songs that I liked...of those few hundred, I managed to pick out a scant 15. I guess I have picky taste for trance. I only like one or two "kinds" of them...high, high, HIGH treble! Then I listened to them in my car and found out most of the tracks have huge amounts of bass...damn. But yeah, I think I may talk to Laura now...so I'll be heading off. G'night.

I will write a pretty long blog later on...I don't know what time, but I just want to write down some things that have been in my head from last night. It's not a big deal or anything, just thoughts. Yup, um, see ya later.

A very good friend of me and Chris came up today. I haven't seen Shane since, oh, probably sometime after graduation. Man. It was good to see him though. Work was boring. Laura stayed the night and I ended up going to work at like, 10. Oops. So Saturday, Laura and I are going to go to dinner with my family. She's really nervous about that. I keep telling her that there's nothing to worry. I am contemplating to see if I can go to Elitch's on Sunday. Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to see. We are finally moving in next Wednesday! I can't wait. I got the job of decorating the garage. Yes, the garage, we're using it as a "room", so to speak. The party room really. We'll have 3 couches and a chair in their, so. It should be the coziest of all the rooms. I am beginning to wonder if the general public is reading my blogs. I think they aren't, but yeah. Doesn't really matter. Tomorrow is just another day at work. Actually I have an orthodontist's appointment at 8 in the morning. God damn. I have to wake up in just over 6 hours. *sigh* I need these braces off soon. Well, with that said, I'm going to get going and get a good night's rest. Bye.